When I prepare an estimate for a client, I almost always write up some first impressions that will orient how I go about the editing process. I may or may not also include a scan of three or five pages that I have marked up in hardcopy. (Part of preparing an estimate is spending at least half an hour doing a detailed copy editing – unless the writing needs so much work, or I doubt the viability of the piece as a whole. Yes, there are times I am obliged to let a writer know I can’t see a way to make their book marketable – short of an intensive coaching process, or simply ghostwriting their idea for them.)
Here are excerpts from one of the most challenging letters I’ve had to write. The author and I had only had a brief phone conversation. All that I knew about him was that he was respected academically, had successfully published non-fiction about this subject, and this was his foray into fiction.
I think you begin in the wrong place. I suggest not jumping into the violence in the very first sentences – give the reader a chance to rest at the end of her day, kick off her shoes and put her feet up on the coffee table, pick up the book, and find out who the characters are and what the context is. Give her time to develop a little empathy for the actors and the situation before the violence begins. If you whomp her with violence (it was gruesome) without it having become meaningful, she’s likely to slam the book shut.
I’ve blogged about this before. And I admit to a prejudice against writings about violence unless they explore the why and the resolution of the violence. (That said, I thought Bonnie and Clyde was brilliant – because it made the violence a psychological phenomenon, not a bloodbath on screen. One blast at the end was all that needed to be seen. (Incidentally, 30+ years ago I worked for Theadora Van Runkle, the costume designer for the film. When I was cleaning out her storage area I found several identical cream-colored linen shifts from the final scene. Including one that was “blood” stained around a hole. The residue of the film was still so strong, that handling the dress put me into a shock reaction. Being impacted years after seeing the film is the indication of how powerful the subtle use of violence can be.)
There are several better places to start. Best I’ve found so far is “The general situation of all affairs below Heaven can now be seen. I fear that my standing cannot be restored.” The distinctive languaging tells us effectively and efficiently that the scene is traditional/imperial China, and the content identifies the conflict. It’s dramatic, yet generates empathy for the failing of a situation which the reader then expects to be told about.
Think about giving the reader a hint in some symbolic form of what the story is really about (as you told me: Buddhism in China and how it came to be). Great opening lines that hint at where the book is going to take the reader:
“Cemeteries remind us how awful it all is. Accidents waiting to happen. Killers waiting for the right opportunity.” Fearful Trinity by Taylor Williams
“I wish I were a British pound coin instead of an African girl. People would be happy to see me coming.” Little Bee by Chris Cleave
Your narrator’s “voice” is archaic and arcane. That may be appropriate, but to know if that’s so, it’s important to define your target audience. Why would they want to read this? What will they learn? How will they feel as they read? As you answer these questions, you are developing the back cover copy (also your website content). It is not too soon to develop this material. I blogged about how to do it a couple of months ago. You can check it out.
The themes I blog about are familiar because they are relevant for almost every writer I talk with: Defining your audience. Developing a voice appropriate to their capacity/expectation, as well as a voice appropriate to the content. Defining the value to the reader – which is the foundation of your advertising content for your website, back cover, and query letter. It’s never too soon to start making potential readers aware that your book is coming. The industry refers to it as “building your platform.”
There is too much background detail early in the story. The reader will be grabbed by a dramatic situation. If you start to relate the lineage and locale and past activities of the characters as you introduce them – where this info is not relevant to the drama that will grab the reader NOW – the reader won’t be able to stretch to digest the info usefully.
Think of it this way: every piece of info you give the reader she uses to develop a mindmap. If you start giving irrelevant-at-the-moment info, the reader’s map will be much too complex at the beginning. First she needs to know the highways, the distances between important places, the coordinates. Then you can add two lane red roads and eventually the blue highways. The thin black county roads don’t belong until you begin to focus on one section of the map and enlarge it for that part of the story.
The (potential) client did not agree with my assessment, since he had received positive feedback from (unidentified) others. I was not hired. Which points out the importance of the initial conversations with your editor. You want someone to handle your work who shares your vision. That’s not to say that a long conversation can’t bring you both into alignment – it is certainly worth taking a lot of time to explore the vision if your editor comes highly recommended. Besides sharing the vision, you want to have supportive and educational (perhaps even fun) conversations with your editor.
Until next time, delight in the process.
Download PDF: DCC Response to a Manuscript Submitted for an Estimate- First Impressions